[taway]

I was born in Portugal and lived there for most of my life. Virtually everything the OP said could describe some portuguese person just as well. Hell, I could have written it at some point and it would be a surprisingly accurate summary of my life back then. These are symptoms of problems that live in you, that consume you from the inside, they will follow you wherever you go, you can't just run away and escape them all. I don't have any recommendations, but you have my empathy and understanding. I believe you will find your way out, maybe by finding some deeper meaning to your life, maybe by finding your place in the world or maybe by just stop giving a fuck.

On the other hand I have a feeling that something is pretty fucked with western society in general. And as the western model of society is pretty much expanding everywhere it is becoming a global problem. I can't quite put by finger on it but maybe it has to do with ever growing expectations, the idea that we can be or do everything, that is all in our hands and only depends on us puts an immense pressure on our shoulders and leads to immense pain. The truth, I think, is that luck plays an huge part in our life, on our successes and on our failures.

I am not sure if I made any sense, if I did not, please accept my apologies ;)

[noname123]

You makes perfect sense, taway. I appreciate your sentiment regarding traveling somewhere will not solve one's problem. I want to travel to Macau or Goa and eat the fusion of traditional Indian or Cantonese-Portuguese cuisine and maybe plays Gaopai at the casino's there but pretty sure that'll only obliterate my anxieties for a few days.

I also appreciate your empathy and stating that you also felt the same once. At least for me, there's more to a person who is willing to make fun of themselves or admit freely to their shortcomings than someone who offers eager advice.

Re: Western society criticism; as someone who grew up partially in Eastern society (China), I believe that traditional Buddhist practice is in practice and effect more similar to the Catholic Church than different. And people in China and South Korea see the same alternative appeal in Christianity as people in the West seek Yoga or Zen Buddhism. So perhaps it's not the religion/philosophy content but the person doing the seeking.