[peterwwillis]

> If I leave, everyone will hate me

...Which is worse than hating yourself?

> I just want to earn decent money and be able to do what I want to do whenever during the day

So get a horrible well-paying job at night.

> If I bail now, every word I said, anything I did, will mean nothing

Sometimes the truth is that you fucked up big time. What are you going to do, continue to live a lie because you can't handle the idea of your friends realizing you screwed up?

Have a heart to heart talk with them all and tell them how you feel. They won't be happy. But it'll be better than you just not showing up for work one day. Make a plan to get out over time so you don't screw them over further.