| > And for happiness and identity, I just said, there's a single point of failure. I mean.. we're on a hacking forum, I thought that people would grasp the metaphor. I agree with you on this. Regardless of gender, it's probably not healthy to have all of your identity defined by your partner, for exactly the reason you mention. See also: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency. But codependency can happen to all genders, and it's equally harmful for both men and women. When we break that cycle and start defining ourselves by our own free choices (rather than someone else's), it's immensely empowering. It's called agency. > Implying that I do not think that women have agency.. What a ridiculous and exacerbated claim. > That's totally ridiculous, I'm not a misogynist, I resent being called that, and I absolutely do not categorically hate women. Some stuff you wrote was misogyny, because it supported the idea that heterosexual women (categorically) ought to be defined by someone else if they want to be happy. The original comment claims an identity based on independent choices is good/advisable for men, but not for women. To be clear: I'm calling foul on that statement, not the person behind it. I recognize that you can change your mind about it at any moment, and I also recognize that you're more than one post on HN. I'm not going to slap a label on you. > Anyway, generally in day to day life, I approach things on a situation by situation basis. Good. In the future, it's probably best to make this your advice up front, rather than try to speak for what heterosexual women want as a whole. |