| Deep & abiding happiness only comes from within. I just deleted a lengthy bit of writing to condense my personal experience to: It was a ~2 year period of intense, repeated betrayal. I would just start crying intensely with no obvious trigger. It was like a panic attack, but with unhappiness. I really wanted to die and make it be over. But I'm too much of a coward to commit suicide. I had a really good friend who always answered my phone calls and for that I am immensely grateful. It took another 2 years to learn to be okay with being alone. I got myself on a pretty intense personal project (raising & training a goshawk), stayed focused on that, and ended up with a huge success there. I put myself to lot of smaller projects (home improvement type stuff) and learned I could do these things alone and have fun. I actually started appreciating alone time because I had permission to do anything I wanted to do. When I started dating again sometimes it seemed more like an imposition on my time. I'm in a happy relationship now and more importantly am enjoying life. The latter is enhanced by the former, but the relationship is not required. |