[nostrademons]

I'm curious - could you reframe "following your gifts" as an opportunity instead of an obligation?

I also feel that same drive where I get restless when I feel my talents are being wasted. I think a lot of people do. But when my talents are actually being used, I don't feel miserable or unhappy, but rather content. I think this may be because I don't think in terms of "Am I accomplishing everything I set out to do? Have I made enough of a mark on the world?", but rather in terms of "Am I doing the right things? Am I following the path that will maximize my contributions to the world, given the information I have available?" (Okay, admittedly I've fallen into thinking like the former on occasion, and I tend to become miserably neurotic when I do. But I've worked pretty hard to try and view things in the latter light.)

The former puts the locus of control on the outside world, where you feel responsible for the effects of your actions, even if those effects are outside your control. The latter puts the locus of control on yourself, about your choices. In theory (and in my experience), success follows as a consequence of doing the right things, not as a cause.

And then when I find that something is preventing me from doing the right thing, I ask what it is. Very often, it's myself, and I have some internal fear I need to face and get over. Sometimes, it's someone else, in which case it's time to cut that person or organization out of my life.

[Swizec]

> But when my talents are actually being used, I don't feel miserable or unhappy, but rather content.

I think a large part of the problem for me personally is that I am simply getting bored. I need to find either new talents, or a new way to apply my talents. I've been following the same talents and passions for as long as I can remember. Started when I was 9-ish, still going strong 17 years later.

As you allude to, I need a better WHY than "because this is what I'm good at". Hell, very often even just a better WHY than "because I want(ed) to" would be great.

[nostrademons]

There's nothing wrong with "Because I wanted to" as a WHY.

[Swizec]

There's nothing wrong with it. It's perfectly valid. But there is something strangely crushing in the freedom to always do exactly (and only) what you want. I can't really explain it.

[nostrademons]

I think the crushing-ness may come from a (somewhat justifiable, IMHO) fear of solipsism. "Because I want to" is a fundamentally ego-centric view of the universe: your feelings are your own, so what happens if nobody else wants what I want? Are we then alone in the universe?

The solution (at least for me) comes from expanding our view of what "I want" to include people close to us and the outside world as well. And so I do what I want, but my wants also include making the people I care about happy, being a net positive influence on the world, and not turning away from reality even when it seems bleak or painful. In this way, there's no contradiction between achieving things and doing what I want to be doing.

"Be good to yourself, and to others. You cannot do one or the other; it has to be both, or neither."