[bayesianhorse]

You are describing symptoms of depression and some mild or severe psychotic symptoms, combined with the very risky and assertive decision of self-medicating.

A bipolar disorder would explain these symptoms. Also bipolar is a very common comorbidity of ADHD, with overlapping symptoms. At the very least, the social problems that come with ADHD predispose for bouts of depression.

Taking destabilizing drugs like Ritalin or Amphetamines is also known to trigger manic episodes or other psychosis. Which is one of many reasons why medical professionals won't tell you to start at the final dose for the first few weeks...