[trvd1707]

I'm really sorry for your loss. I experienced something similar when I lost my son 5 years ago. It can be very dark the place you are right now, but believe me, it will get better. I went back to work after 2 weeks and it was extremely hard. I couldn't do anything and I would go the the restroom to cry, because people around me were feeling uncomfortable with my grief. I found an online support group that really helped me. I was so depressed that I can't even leave the house and meet other people, so the online group was a good starting point. After two weeks of terrible work, my employer agreed with me that I couldn't go on and I took a leave for health reasons. At my job I had disability insurance and profound depression qualifies as disability. You should go see a psychiatrist to have the depression diagnosis in your records and to try some medication. If you are feeling too bad, please, check yourself at a hospital. In my case it took me over a year in disability to recover from my son's loss.

Here are some links for depression support in NZ: www.depression.org.nz http://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/page/40-getting-help http://www.depressionsupportnetwork.org.nz/

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, seek help.