[Mz]

I'm actually innately risk averse but I wind up looking wildly devil-may-care to some people because my life circumstances have consistently put me in a position to choose between the safe, secure path of certain doom or the risky, unexplored path of possible doom. Given that scenario, "possible doom" is the conservative risk-averse choice.

I think public school and other bureaucratic institutions help shape people in the direction of expecting bureaucracy as the "norm"....I mean, it seems to me it's a culture and a mindset and a lifestyle and if you grow up with it, it's more comfortable than being out on a limb by yourself. My sons were homeschooled for a long time and they are a lot less intimidated than I am about plans to become entrepreneurs. I have long been torn between wanting to strike out on my own and wanting more conventional success. I'm wired (and probably also trained) to want the perceived societal approval that goes along with making it in a large bureaucracy (big company, federal government...etc) But I just don't fit in.

I currently have a corporate job and that has given me some degree of satisfaction that "Yes! I can make it on those terms!" But I've also been languishing in an entry-level job which doesn't begin to compare to the kind of recognition/success I've had in other (non-monetary) endeavors. I've been very torn between wanting to pursue a career at the company and wanting to strike out on my own. But recent events at work have convinced me that striking out on my own is the more risk-averse path. I can't control what the folks in charge at the company are doing and recent developments concern me. I've also seen that working a regular day job doesn't buffer me from the vagaries of the market as much as I thought it would. It just gives me less control over how to meet the latest challenges than I would have if I ran the show.

So I believe I will end up out there on my own. But I believe it will be a logical progression, step by step, rather than a radical departure.