Thank you very much and thanks to everyone that helped me build this. You, carter, and the others in the Haskell/Haskell.au IRC channels were a big help. The thank-you list would be huge if I tried to list everybody that made a library I used or whose blog post helped me along.
To be fair, errors are implicitly encoded in the HTTP statuses and I'm not doing anything about Conduit's exceptions right now. This is something I'd like to fix later.