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I'm 31. I was 25 when I got married, which was also the same year the company I co-founded hit the skids and eventually a brick wall. That first year was really rough on us (we started with 1 child and had another in the middle of that year), but we survived and watching that company burn was one of the most valuable life lessons I've ever had. We've had another two kids since then, and I've learned a few other things along the way. Before I was married, all of those fears and anxieties ruled my life. I think that's partly what attracted me to the startup world and ultimately to starting that company. I wanted to chase my ambitions and fight that feeling of loneliness. However, the great lesson I learned from that company, and ultimately from the last few years of marriage and kids is that you won't be alone when you choose to value the people you love over achievements you earn, stuff you buy, or even just stuff you work really hard on. I poured it on with the 90 and 100 hour weeks the last 6 months of that company and in the end the company crumbled and my hard work left me with nothing but bitterness toward my creation (I eventually got past the bitterness). Today I invest that time in my wife and my kids, and they are my world to me. They're my best friends. There's no earning their love, but the time I spend with them is never wasted. I don't get through the week, having prioritized them over other things, and think to myself "man, I really wish I'd spent an extra 20 hours on that personal project" that will never do anything for my personal fulfillment beyond some temporary ego boost. Now. That's not to say I don't still love the startup and technology world. I do. And I still have those personal projects. And that professional community. I also love working hard on stuff that pushes the envelope. But the funny thing is that ever since I put that part of myself in a bounded box I've enjoyed it more and been more productive. There isn't the sense of having to keep up, and yet I'm still able to. Consequently I'm happier at work and since I don't draw my personal worth from it, I can take setbacks and move on and still enjoy it. I don't know that everyone should get married, but it seems to me that, based on everyone I've ever known, that you best fight loneliness by surrounding yourself with people who will stick by you regardless of job, religion, social status , health, or anything else. To me, the question to ask is - if the world fell apart right now, would the people you prioritize still be with you? |