[dperfect]

That "obnoxiously massive adobe flash banner" that is "crashing" is intentional: http://parkerrr.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/MZCin.png

Also, the "time [OP has] spent thinking about this, writing about it, on the phone, and now responding to people about it" is certainly worth more than $30 since it represents an issue that many people (including myself) have encountered, and I'm glad someone took the time to publicly document their frustration on behalf of the rest of us sharing that frustration.