[pg_is_a_butt]

google app engine now supports PHP and they completely reimplemented the language. it is extremely fast and seems to already do all the things this story eludes might happen.... they already have.

[kodablah]

They did not completely reimplement the language, it appears to be the standard implementation. Compare https://github.com/GoogleCloudPlatform/appengine-php/tree/ma... to https://github.com/php/php-src