[Swizec]

>As your Facebook network becomes saturated, it can feel very public. It puts the focus on managing your image, rather than truly bonding with people. Young startups like Snapchat are providing shelter from the institution of Facebook by serving as a place where you can express yourself comfortably. A place where you don’t feel like your every move is being watched.

This is something I will likely never understand. Why do people have so much trouble with being themselves? This isn't a Facebook problem, this is a society problem. Facebook just exposed it.

Instead of talking about the end of the FB era and making new social networks, we should talk about making people more comfortable with being themselves. The first step is to stop spending so much time judging everyone.

[cenhyperion]

>Why do people have so much trouble with being themselves?

Because people's lives have different sections that often have parts you don't want to overlap. You probably don't want your boss seeing a photo of you drunk at a party, and you probably don't want your conservative uncle to see that you are politically liberal.

In both those circumstances it's not that you'd necessarily hide those parts of your personality from the other parties involved; your boss probably gets drunk too and your uncle isn't going to stop speaking to you because your political views differ. It's more that it doesn't improve the relationship with that person.

Yes, it would be great if people didn't judge each other but unfortunately that's not how the psychology works.

So, unless you live a life in which you're comfortable revealing every opinion you hold and every action you've taken (in which case wow that's impressive) you have to maintain a certain image that you broadcast on a service like facebook.

[waps]

Well, for one thing, when working for an American company, having real flaws kills your career. Alcohol abuse in the past. Getting arrested once for drug abuse. Having participated in manifestations. All of those will turn a ridiculous amount of Americans into your personal enemy at work, to extents that I never saw in Europe.

If you ever want to be working for a large American firm : firstly, you deny anything remotely like a character flaw, you almost violently pursue a "perfect" online image. Second you hide and deny things like your real political opinion (esp. the political one). The big public secret about politics in America is that there is no real difference in tolerance on average between republicans and democrats, and they're simply all very intolerant of even minor differences of opinion, and will do everything in their power to damage you or your reputation merely because of political differences. Thirdly, realize that people around you will also act like this. So pushing to hear someone's political opinion, finding out if they really like this charity they're contributing to that just happens to be the exact same one as their boss ... DO NOT GO THERE. Get an alias and make sure it can't be tied to your real name.

I actually made a mistake against this once, and got myself terminated after an infuriating 3 month period where my performance, which easily bested the rest of the team, was constantly criticized. Not by coworkers, strictly by management. A minor mistake was "revenue-impacting" according to my boss, 5 minutes after the sysadmin manager took me out to an expensive lunch on the company's dime for catching his mistake before it became a disaster. I had double the number of bugs closed of the next team member, and the whole team constantly asked me to look at their work. My boss, who never even showed up at the office, called me in at exactly the interval documented in the HR procedures to complain about my performance, never citing a single source. After 3 months I was "let go" for bad performance. I got 2 recommendation letters from a team leader and an operational manager without even asking. I am NOT making this mistake again. This all started after a political discussion.

Of course these rules will not make facebooking with your coworkers a particularly pleasant experience. You got to have priorities, and "being yourself" is lower than having a good job and career. Not that I am a great fan of social interaction online or offline. Especially the empty "look at my shiny" that happens on facebook/google+/youtube/... And the shouting matches, even less.

[VLM]

You don't have to live/work in Utah.

Its a peculiar graphical distribution such that anywhere within 300 miles of Chicago (including rural wisconsin, etc) or on the coasts, no one cares about stuff like that. But god help you in between the areas of freedom. Appalachia, Dakotas, the remaining English speaking parts of the south, that U shaped area of wanna be theocratic dictatorship is right out of one of Charlie Stross's novels, not even a parody, really.

[waps]

Sorry to repeat myself, but San Francisco or New York is no better.

[Swizec]

> You got to have priorities, and "being yourself" is lower than having a good job and career.

Perhaps for you, for me, being myself is the highest priority. You can always find a new job or a new career, but once your back has been broken, you will forever be a spineless wimp whom nobody will respect.

[cfreeman]

> You can always find a new job or a new career

That simply isn't true or realistic for a large amount of people.

[Swizec]

> Because people's lives have different sections that often have parts you don't want to overlap. You probably don't want your boss seeing a photo of you drunk at a party, and you probably don't want your conservative uncle to see that you are politically liberal.

Quite the contrary. I don't want a boss who has a problem with my being drunk when I'm not at work and I would love nothing more than to have a good debate about politics with my uncle.

Yes, I am actually comfortable expressing my every opinion to just about anyone. I didn't used to be, but then I grew a pair and became more comfortable with myself. People reacted very very positively.

It's amazing how quickly one can build intimate friendships and even get people to open up themselves when you just take the first step. Hell, just the other day a cool lady I've known for all of two weeks said I'm the most open person she's ever met.

And a few weeks ago a girl told me she is able to talk to me about things she hasn't spoken about with anyone in something like ten years. It was a few hours after the first time we've ever met.

But the first step, as always, is accepting yourself for who you are. I have a feeling many people don't feel comfortable doing that.

For an example just think of the internet's new favorite celebrity Jennifer Lawrence. Her main quality is that she's human and that she isn't afraid of being honest and open about herself.

[parasubvert]

I think that perhaps your circumstances and privileges may differ from others.

Not everyone carries the same social skills to be able to emotionally handle being fired from work over a Facebook photo (which has happened in the US many times).

Many also lack the ability or desire to want to form intimate friendships with all but a small number of people.

Others may be actively stalked, harassed and/or physically or sexually assaulted for being too open with others online that seemed trustworthy early on, but later abused that trust.

Jennifer Lawrence seems like a lovely person, but she also is white, financially secure, and has a bodyguard.

[nmbr]

That's prescriptive. In reality, people's identities do vary. Masks are useful.

[rsl7]

Wow. Ok. The answer is that there is no you. It's not a society problem. My read on a comment like yours is that you are young and have not experienced a life partitioned into parts that you don't want to overlap. That, if anything, is the reality of the human experience. Forcing together what should be separate is what is wrong and unnatural. Sorry.

[Swizec]

Oh I've done plenty of partitioning life into parts that I didn't want to overlap. But then I grew up and became me.

What I've found is that people are far more accepting of me, like me much better, and I generally build better and deeper relationships quicker. My life has also become much simpler since I no longer have to filter myself all the freaking time.

It's really nice. You should try it. But it does take oodles of confidence. If you aren't confident in yourself, then you will not be able to pull it off.

[rsl7]

You grew up and became you? ok.

Next you're going to tell me how you're living a minimalist lifestyle and have shed most material goods that drag everyone else down, and you don't understand why other people don't. I don't believe you because I know too many actual, complex people. We live private, inner lives. We think we know how certain people see us. We think we know how our actions are perceived. We think we know who we are. But we are wrong.

Your response sounds like the beginning of a novel, followed by "and then one day everything changed"

I don't know. Good luck with being the real you.

[katbyte]

I would think it also depends on who "you" are, where you live and the people around you. If your gay and live in the middle east or certain parts of Africa your going to have a bad time simply being yourself.

[Swizec]

Fair.

But as a self-absorbed millennial I often forget to remember that there are people who live in different circumstances than I do. Now I'm wondering how many gay people from certain parts of Africa use Facebook ...

[aragot]

Two minutes ago I was watching this documentary about Trevor, the american guy who got shot. His mother was being interviewed. She asked the video to hide/blur her face.

How pointless is that. At the age of internet...

That's why people have trouble being themselves. Facts of life.

[markdown]

> Why do people have so much trouble with being themselves?

1. Humans are judgemental creatures. 2. Humans like to feel loved.

Person X doesn't want his favourite aunt to stop liking him because she read his Facebook debate with a friend on the teaching of creationism in schools.

[chippy]

You are 100% correct.

However, it's easier to change a website than it is to change a global society. This will take literally generations