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Hey what's up, bro? I have unsolicited suggestions both personal and professional. Professional: Your thing needs to be more specific. List more concrete crap that admission officers want to see, particularly meaningless statistics that these people would get off on, since this is B-school, emphasize on BS skills: e.g., improved user conversion on X project from 10% to 25%. led X project with Y developers using X PM methodology and delivered to customers Z months ahead; just throw in one tech skill for good measure. Personal: You seem to be very 1) implicitly smug about your accomplishments and 2) vague about your goals except that you are fixated on prestige and the Asian immigrant story, such as listing your wife "being a doctor" and your very endeavor of applying to "b-school" and your family's "started from the bottom now we here"; no one cares, bro. First, you have to learn how to toot your own horn without blowing your cover. Stroke other people's egos like applying to b-school, figure out the crap that those people care about, e.g., "innovation" and pretend that you buy into their system, I used "big data to analyze which African village is in the most need for water and went out and tried to get grants." Have to brag yourself and give a reach-around to the powers-to-be without appearing to brag yourself. Second, you have to learn how to have a real concrete goal. Don't care about your family, don't care about what awkward nice things people have to say when you solicit rec's from them. Say something real, like "I want to be the next Korean superstar and take over the world!!" means more to me than "Data Scientist". I may not like "Korean superstars" but at least I'll have respect for someone who knows what they want and won't take crap from anyone. |
My initial impression was to agree with the parent - much more specific. What context did these people say these things about you? I would de-emphasize the personal stuff a bit and foreground the professional.
So when Jesse who you know from 'quid' says X, it has context.
The overall layout is very linear and there are no crosslinks. All a bit overwhelming.
Having someone mouse over a series of photos to get unconnected comments is not a good way to show mastery over data.
At this point - I think the result of your hard work in this case is a liability. All these blurbs and datapoints do not tell a story (and there really are not that many of them).
Give it better structure - connect back to some reference point (resume, etc) and it could work well.
best of luck