[angersock]

I'm not sure that you two are in disagreement--they are saying that precisely because being an employee is different from being a founder, an employee needs to make sure that their interests are seen to.

(this is all said with respect to an engineering position)

In an early-stage startup, you are likely to be building the product and doing at least as much useful technical work as the tech cofounder from whom you are taking some of the burden.

Moreover, because you're in a small company, you probably don't get benefits, and you probably don't get good pay ("After the next round!"), and you probably don't get much gear, and so on and so forth. The options you're granted may well not pan out, and even if they do they probably will be diluted into something equal to a holiday bonus.

That being the case, it makes great sense to look after your own interests.

This equation, of course, changes once the company is large enough to actually take proper care of its employees and pay proper market rates.