[btilly]

If your parents were married for 17 years before your mother died, how old were you? How aware were you of what they had been like earlier? What had changed? In short, how good a position were you to judge?

I say this because I know for a fact that my 9 year old son's view of my marriage and my view of the same thing are virtually unrelated. He sees, but he cannot understand. Nor does he have any idea what changes came before he was 5.

Here is perspective. My aunt and uncle were married nearly 60 years. They had one of the best marriages that I am aware of. Most of their children were unable to recognize the constant work in the face of ongoing changes that caused that until after they were married adults themselves.

Do you really know your parents' marriage as well as you think?

[kamaal]

A very good point.

My father always tells I will be able to understand my mom far better than he did. And my sister will be able to understand him far better than my mom did.

This happens for one simple reason. Kids think their parents marriage is perfect, because they are born into that assumption as that is all they see.

[wavefunction]

>>Kids think their parents marriage is perfect

Not everyone grew up in a Hallmark special. There are plenty of kids in this world with a more realistic outlook of the world than you're allowing them.

[Xcelerate]

I was eleven when she died. I'm 23 now, however, speaking to my father about their marriage essentially confirms my view.

[btilly]

They might be a counter-example to the many experiences that I am aware of. On the other hand, it could also be a case where he misremembers his own past to fit the story he wants to tell. (That is not an accusation, by the way, most of us do that to some degree or another. I certainly have.)

Without more information, it is impossible to tell.

However my opinion remains to trust the many experiences that I have had, and the experiences of people that I have known well. Your parents' story is not what most should expect to have happen.