So basically you want to implement Enterprise QA processes for a tiny team so as to make up for incompetence and bad hiring decisions. Sorry, I don't buy it.
Unit tests and basic code reviews aren't exactly exclusive to enterprise-level system architecture these days.
Regarding unit tests, their utility is actually mostly independent of the size of the team. The more relevant factor is the size of the codebase. A small team can end up producing a pretty huge codebase, and solid unit tests can end up saving a lot of frustration in the future. They also can be critical in helping new developers familiarize themselves with the codebase and its interdependencies.
Code reviews are an investment not just in the code and the product but also in the human capital producing it. One thing you'll learn with experience is that even very good developers will write bad code sometimes. If you've got millions of users, simply doing code reviews can be a lot less stressful than finding small mistakes later on when bugs pop up in production and a hotfix has to be pushed. It leads to less blame, fewer production bugs, and a more collaborative, academic environment. People can learn and grow a lot from code reviews (both receiving and giving). They'll improve the product and codebase not just in the short term, but doubly so in the long run.
Yep. I don't think doing an 'art review' is going to turn many amateur painters into a picasso.
Code reviews also suck up time of your most senior people. Personally, I'd rather just have some fucking TESTERS. (manual or automatic script writers).
You'd be surprised. A crucial part of learning to be an artist is open critiques. It is the one moment when lovey-dovey artists suddenly turn into the same kind of nitpicky curmudgeons as us coders.
Regarding unit tests, their utility is actually mostly independent of the size of the team. The more relevant factor is the size of the codebase. A small team can end up producing a pretty huge codebase, and solid unit tests can end up saving a lot of frustration in the future. They also can be critical in helping new developers familiarize themselves with the codebase and its interdependencies.
Code reviews are an investment not just in the code and the product but also in the human capital producing it. One thing you'll learn with experience is that even very good developers will write bad code sometimes. If you've got millions of users, simply doing code reviews can be a lot less stressful than finding small mistakes later on when bugs pop up in production and a hotfix has to be pushed. It leads to less blame, fewer production bugs, and a more collaborative, academic environment. People can learn and grow a lot from code reviews (both receiving and giving). They'll improve the product and codebase not just in the short term, but doubly so in the long run.