| I was given anti-depressants and ADD medication when I was in college. I went to a cognitive psychologist who gave me a barrage of tests and told me I was off the charts ADD and had really bad anxiety and depression. I was definitely anxious and at times I can get pretty down. I turned in less homework than anyone in my whole high school and generally didn't care about most things people wanted me to (I did pretty well in community college and university though). The psychologist didn't want to even start treatment til the meds kicked in so I, being naive and trusting, said OK, went to the croaker he recommended I go to and started taking them. The anxiety went away as did the depression. So did any semblance of self-control I had. I can definitely see how someone could fly off the handle on these things kill a bunch of people if s/he had even the remotest inclination to do so beforehand. I started dressing crazy. I started basically talking at people, trying to blow their minds and confuse them and play with them. I lost any desire to really connect with anybody, any empathy or sympathy. My ability to introspect totally disappeared so I was unable to see what was happening to me. Maybe the idea was that depression or anxiety is related to overthinking/over-introspection or something like. Maybe I had an anomalous experience but I'm pretty sure if I continued with them I'd be in prison or suffering in some other way for the unanalyzed extremes I let myself get to. I have other friends who have taken them or are still on them and I see/saw the same thing with them, a complete inability to self-judge causing them to make the same mistakes over and over and over and a tendency towards unfulfilling behavior. The pill they take to be happy hijacks the ability to ever create the circumstances to be happy without it. I was unable to see what had happened to me when I was on them. I had to be told by someone who I hadn't seen in a long time how much I'd changed. It was a person I deeply respected. She told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn't the same person I had been and that I had changed for the worse. I finally tried looking inward and I realized she was right. Then I had to deal with the hallucinations and electric shock sensations of withdrawal but I'm glad I did I may not be happy all the time, or even most of the time. I may be full of irrational fears but I believe I am becoming less so. Meditation and Qigong help me. |