Ask HN: I've been asked to give a speech: I am terrified.

[ocbnet]

In one month I should give a speech in public -- my first speech in public -- for a big event.

The problem is: I am psychologically unstable, last year I suffered from a major depression which degenerated into agoraphobia. For a long time (~5 months) I was unable to leave my house. Now I feel better (I didn't see any psychatrist), and I thought I was ready for "regular-life" activities, but receiving this invitation had led me down again.

I've always been a shy, introvert person, and -- given my recent past -- I don't think I'm ready to talk to hundreds of people, even if I have good experience on the speech's subject.

Any advice? Should I go? Thank you.

[andrew_gardener]

If you feel you cannot do it then don't do it. There is no reason to torture yourself psychologically and physically if its not something you want to do.

I see a lot people writing comments about how to improve your speaking skills (which could be something good to do but...) while ignoring the fact you're basically worried about breaking down again from the pressure.

Please take care of your basic needs and mental stability before worrying about satisfying others. If you feel you can do it, give it a shot. If not, save yourself (and the organizers) grief and bow out now.

Please be well and take care of yourself.

[digitalengineer]

>before worrying about satisfying others Exactly. Sounds like you got sucked in to something. Ask yourself if this is something you want to do or something someone told you you should do.

Edit: In case you want to learn more about 'traps' one can fall into, I suggest this book: http://www.amazon.com/How-Found-Freedom-Unfree-World/dp/0965...

[Discere]

If there is a local Toastmaster's club I would recommend going: http://www.toastmasters.org/ there are other clubs but they provide a very supportive environment for starting to speak in public.

I've been lucky enough to speak at a few conferences, and if you're confident on your subject, which I am sure you are, you should just think of it as you passing on your experience. Don't think of it as a judgement of you or your past, people there want you to do well, you're up there for a reason which is because you're the one who can give them the information they're there to hear.

I say go for it, if you can go to a speaking club near by to get constructive criticism and help your confidence

Good luck!

[jamesk_au]

The problem, in your own words, is your present psychological state.

Irrespective of whether you give the speech, you should see a psychologist or a psychiatrist as soon as possible. There is no substitute for having an experienced, rational, objective and trusted person working with you to resolve your concerns.

The thought of confiding in an expert like that may be a source of discomfort for you. It is reasonable and natural for you to want to try to resolve your concerns on your own. But you say that you were unable to leave your house for a period of some five months. On any rational view, the time for self-help remedies is long past. You need to have this resolved if you are to get on with your life. Don't question it: just do it.

If you do it soon, you may find that you are in the same position that many other first-time public speakers have found themselves in, with the result that there are plenty of well-worn strategies available to you to tackle the speech you've been asked to give.

But you need to divide and conquer: solve the other problem first.

[specialdragon]

I've found it's always easier to argue your way round to /not/ doing something, rather than the reverse, and in doing so opportunities are lost.

I think you should stand and give the talk. My reasoning is as follows:

If you don't do it, those that could listen to you and learn from you, won't be able to. If hundreds of people are going to be there, a few are going to come away having learnt something they didn't expect to. You wouldn't have been asked if the person asking you didn't feel you had the knowledge to impart. Being shy and introvert is absolutely fine, although this talk sounds like a one off, and then you've done it, tick that box. You either love it, and really find your stride, or hate it, and have a more legitimate reason for Never Doing One Again.

That's my opinion, however, you also asked for advice.

One of the games I was forced to play in school involved the teacher bringing in something horrifically ordinary and covering it with a towel. Us kids would file in, sit down and the teacher would pick one of us, who would then stand up, and look under the towel. They had 5 minutes to create a 15 minute talk on the item. This exercise, which is quite quick, will teach not only how to create a presentation, but will put you in the horrible situation of, "Where do I start?", "I don't know anything about that", "I do know something about that, but there's masses, where do I start?". It'll also teach you to link one section to the next. You've got 5 months - do it as a party game, write a blog. You don't need to give the talk, you just need to write it as though you were.

A pertinent questions here is naturally - How long does your talk need to be?

It'll be interesting to see what the rest of HN suggest, and maybe tell us where it is so people can go and support in person?

[robin2]

If you are going to bow out, it would be much better to do it sooner rather than later - so as not to leave the organisers in the lurch. Giving a public speech would be a big deal even if you were fine with other "regular-life" activities - so I don't think you should beat yourself up over it.

If you think you can do it, then I'd strongly recommend getting the talk together well in advance, and practice it a number of times - the more often, the better.

I'd second the comment about Toastmasters, although that might be more useful for preparing for similar events in the future, rather than for the immediate one.

[atom-morgan]

I used to be in the same boat as you although not nearly as bad. I hated public speaking and I was extremely shy.

But in my freshman year of college, I had to write a one page double spaced paper about anything every week. On Friday, we’d all read it to the class out loud. Looking back on my college experience, it was probably the single most valuable course I took just because it made me practice speaking in front of other people. As you’d expect, practice makes perfect (or improvement) and it’s now one of my greatest strengths according to those around me and it's a great skill to have!

I wrote a letter about this class and teacher if you’re interested: https://medium.com/dear-blank/dc36bb5d403a

[cprncus]

> I've always been a shy, introvert person

One of my favorite memories from college was when a very shy woman had to recite a piece from Shakespeare and chose King Henry's rousing speech to his troops. She belted it out and by the end we were all about ready to go fight the French army! So, just because you're shy in normal life doesn't mean you might not really find strengths you didn't know you have in front of an audience. Stranger things have happened.

[elviejo]

When you talk about what you. know... the content is easy. when you talk about what you love... then passion is easy and the audience likes it. Finally practice practice practice.... with friends.. with a smaller audience (maybe a classroom), with a webcam... just practice.

Your audience then will love your speach and you will be glad that you didit.

[ibstudios]

http://www.ethos3.com/2012/03/presentation-lessons-from-wins...

Practice!

Create a persona in your mind and be that person on stage. You don't have to be "you".

[elaineo]

How to Be the Best Public Speaker on the Planet: http://www.jamesaltucher.com/2013/10/how-to-be-the-best-publ...

[steveinator]

Always start the speech off with a quick joke. Hearing everyone chuckle kindly always eases the nerves. Something easy like "They said that winning this award would take hard work, but no one told me I'd have to give a speech too!".

[cafard]

By the way, Mark Jason Dominus (the guy who wrote High-Order Perl) has a presentation on giving presentations. I've only seen the slides, not the YouTube, but there are some handy tips.

[cafard]

Practice in front of friends, repeatedly.