[drzaiusapelord]

>Keeping busy at one's job is valued above most else.

I also hate how our smalltalk starts with "What do you do for a living?" That's a fair question, but its depressing when that's the first one and all we really talk about.

Its a puritan's overworked culture serving the elites. This shutdown is about this as well. We really need to have European-style vacation time and healthcare. I hope my generation gets it right and the status quo of the baby boomers is seen as the horrific thing that it truly is.

[baddox]

> I also hate how our smalltalk starts with "What do you do for a living?" That's a fair question, but its depressing when that's the first one and all we really talk about.

What's so depressing about that, and what would you suggest people ask instead? People's careers take up a lot of their time and provide their livelihood, and a lot of people are quite proud of their careers. Sure, things like sleep and diet are probably more fundamental to a person's wellbeing, but it's pointless to start smalltalk with "how much sleep have you been getting?" or "what is your diet like?".

[RodericDay]

have you tried it?

idk who you hang out with but those last two questions would probably produce more interesting conversations than the former.

[jerf]

'I also hate how our smalltalk starts with "What do you do for a living?"'

I consider it a clear improvement over its primary competition in other cultures, "Where are you from?" and "Who are your parents?" At least this one, if you don't like the answer you're giving, you have power to change it.

[tomsaffell]

>our smalltalk starts with "What do you do for a living?"

I agree - it's not good small-talk. Since this was pointed out to me (~15 years ago) I've made a conscious effort never to ask people what they do for a living. One friend I knew for a year before I found out what he did (that's a rare situation, granted). If you haven't tried it then I highly recommend it.

[zck]

I love this idea, but I've struggled with what to replace it with. "Tell me about yourself" is the best thing I've come up with, but it sounds like an interview. "What are you interested in?" is another option, but it too sounds formal. I want to ask people what they care about without having it be awkward. How do you open small talk with someone you've just met?

[tomsaffell]

Good question, but I think the answer is in the question:

  I want to __ask__ people what they __care__ about... 
  How do you open __small talk__ ...

I would make small talk about something small, like the weather (I'm British :), or about whatever common experience around us we're sharing (the music, how bumpy the bus is, how full the flight is). Taking a random walk through conversation-space should fairly quickly get to something that they care about, so long as they want to talk, and have their self-interest-heuristic turned on.

So I don't think you need to seek what they care about. You just need to make the conversation worth continuing and it will get their on its own.

[scott_s]

"What do you do for fun?"

[collyw]

"How do you spend your time" is a good alternative. If people are out of work, or hate their job, it doesn't alienate them, yet allows them to talk about it if it is important to them.

[brightsize]

>I also hate how our smalltalk starts with "What do you do for a living?"

In my experience this usually takes the form of "what do you do?" The question irks me because I know that what's implied is the "for work" part, and that in turn implies that somehow, the way I make money is the signature aspect of my being. The assumption is built in to our [American] society of course. My response to this query is always either "do for what?" or a list of things that I do that I consider important (walk, ride my bike, work out, travel, listen to jazz, read ...).