| First of all good job on being where you are at. You said, "I feel guilty right now that I'm not producing anything, and ashamed. [There are people a lot less intelligent than me with a lot more money than me. What is wrong with me? Why can't I be one of those people?]" This is a very dangerous attitude and will lead to great disappointment in your life. On the spectrum of why anyone is more or less successful than someone else, the notion of where you are born, who your parents are, what school you went to, how rich your family is, when you are born, what race you are, etc. all play a large factor. Don't also forget luck. The American dream is very nice and all and it emphasizes the "you could do anything you want" mantra but for most people its a nice bowl of bullsh*t soup. My recommendation would be to take a couple of weeks and figure out what you really want out of life. Why do you want the 100 million? Why are you so driven by this desire? What void are you trying to fill? We all struggle with these questions but it takes a certain kind of person to actually take the time and try to fully understand one self. You are already 10 miles ahead from most people. Please don't equate meaning with your life with making lots of money. Find the most needy organizations in your city and go devote your time to helping them. These organizations need people's time as much as they need the money. You may already be doing this but if not, seriously think about doing it. Also, do some travelling around the world. Travel to Europe on the cheap, visit the Middle East, visit South America. These are good uses of your money not bad. Also, relax, you are still a spring chicken and you have accomplished already what most Americans will not. Understand that your questions of finding meaning are not unique and we all go through it at some point. For some of us, our life circumstances resolve us to certain goals (and no, no amount of Anthony Robbins "go do it" message can change things). I would recommend looking at this mind map to provide some kind of framework for your thinking: http://www.biggerplate.com/mindmaps/g304883/life-planning We are creatures of change. We change, the environment around us changes. Find what makes the most sense to you knowing that you will likely change to something different in a few months, or years. We operate on feedback. Give yourself feedback so that the loop can be complete. Doing different activities, volunteering, traveling, etc. All these are giving you feedback. You have the privilege of having the luxury to try out many things to see what fits. Don't chase software development as a way to make lots of money. A lot of it depends on where you are and your unique skill set. If you do want to go down this road, pick a project you want to do and use the technologies that are the most in demand in your area and will pay the most. Start learning and stick with it for a few weeks. If you can't stick with it then its not for you. Sure, learning to develop is worthwhile but it doesn't stop you from building a software business, you can always hire developers (especially someone in your situation). |