If I were you, I'd get rid of the "right person, the right question at the right time" bit in the application and include "we have shown the feedback overlay more than 1K times and have gotten a 60% feedback rate."
I'd think it would be because "right person, right time" would be what everyone else would be saying, while "1K times and have gotten a 60% feedback rate" are hard numbers with 60% being extremely high for this type of thing. If you're pitching to someone who understands how high 60% is, it has more impact than the story.
I think for a general investor or layman, the story would be more compelling because it lays out why it is high (and that it is high for the industry). YC would be in the more technical group and would already know this, so just giving them the 60% is more likely to get their attention.
One is marketing speak showing why you think users would want to give feedback and the other is actual metrics showing a pretty high success rate of getting real feedback.