[antdaddy]

'I think the only advice I could give a child going through this is to fight back and fight back hard even if that means more short term pain'

This is the exact advice I gave my son when he started middle school. I've also seen this advice given to convicts going to prison for the 1st time ;)

[biohacker42]

I remember the advice my family gave me before the first day of school. If anyone messes with you beat the hell out of them, if you have to don't hesitate to use a chair, make an example out of them.

Now here's the funny thing: I am not kidding or exaggerating!

Long story short, some kid looked at me wrong, I threw him against the wall and he slid down just like you see in cartoons. That was in first grade and I've never been bullied.

But seriously, don't try this at home kids.

[antdaddy]

on reflection, the actual advice I gave my son was that if anyone ever hit him, he had my permission to hit back if necessary to defend himself. If a bully sees someone isn't willing to be a victim, they tend to move on to an easier target.

[run4yourlives]

There is defending yourself and then there is actually being the bully.

Which were you, do you think?

[biohacker42]

Honestly? Bully. But not often.

[run4yourlives]

Exactly. In that sense then I don't take your method to be something we should be teaching our children. No offence.

[menloparkbum]

This seems highly context dependent. In the SF schools I've been in, you'd get your ass handed to you by 8-15 other people if you did this to the wrong person. Also, if you hit someone with a chair you're going to get expelled, even in the public schools.

[pasbesoin]

Will you also teach the child how to fight? Many victims have little or no clue how to do this. If you are going to promote a methodology, you should also teach/train it. Otherwise, your advice is empty and frustrating.

I'll add that fighting back need not involve the same aggression expressed in the bullying. (Something else that may need to be / should be learned.) It is a matter of taking control of the situation -- and/or of your role in it -- rather than of becoming equally or more abusive. And there are techniques for that. In any given situation, they will not be full proof. But they may help the potential victim to regain a sense of control; a crucial aspect, I would argue, in resisting the bullying.

[run4yourlives]

Will you also teach the child how to fight?

Unless you have a kid with absolutely no motor skills whatsoever, it's not about teaching him/her to fight, but teaching him/her when to fight.

Will someone else be a better fighter that you child? Guaranteed. But winning the fight isn't the point. The point is to convey the knowledge - both within your child and to others - that sometimes, the act of losing with respect is more valuable than actually winning, and that even if the challenge is seemingly impossible, you still need to do what is right to "defend" what is yours.

There's a lot more than that obviously, but by teaching our kids not to fight, ever, we are missing the chance to teach them immensely valuable lessons about life.

(PS: I do understand that these situations can vary, and I'm speaking from the average bully scenario. There are cases of severe mismatch that could result in major injury that of course would need different reactions by the parent.)