[stmchn]

This happened with the first friend I ever made taking my CS degree. We were in a lot of classes together and corresponded on a semi-regular basis on Facebook over school breaks and things. I had talked to him a couple months prior to this school year starting, but once I got back and noticed he wasn't in any of the classes we were supposed to have together, a mutual friend of ours informed me that he had committed suicide over the summer. It was so jarring that just a few months had passed and he was gone. I looked back on our Facebook messages. I had no idea he was in any sort of distress. The last thing he had sent me was some funny cat gif and I hadn't responded. I know it's silly but I wish I had replied, thinking that it would have made a difference somehow.

[chimeracoder]

> I had no idea he was in any sort of distress.

> I know it's silly but I wish I had replied, thinking that it would have made a difference somehow.

In case you're still harboring any sense of guilt over this, please don't. You are not responsible for your friend's death.

This is a common reaction when a friend or acquaintance commits suicide; it's normal, but don't let it get the better of you.

[verisimilidude]

I'm familiar with this feeling.

It was around Christmas 2009, back in my middle-of-nowhere hometown. We got the old high school posse back together for the first time in 7 or 8 years. Everyone was doing pretty well on their own terms, from my one friend running his repair shop, to my other friend finishing up at an elite law school, to my own international adventures.

All of us, except one.

Despite getting an MBA, this dude was totally stuck in a rut, unemployed and somehow marooned back in our shitty hometown. I already had plans to return later in January and told him I'd give him a call. By the middle of January, he was gone.

I've always wondered if my failure to set up plans to meet with him contributed to his depression and ultimate demise—if there's anything I could've noticed or done to stop it. Probably not, because he had lots of other problems. But I think the thought is always going to follow me.