[arh68]

>ignored or disrespected for no apparent reason other than being a woman

Well that's your problem right there. She hasn't figured out how to play the game. The way you have framed the problem, it will never be solved. She will never stop being a woman, and if that is the only thing you see holding her back, there will never be a solution.

There are many disadvantages within IT, and being female is just one of them. How about being black? Being from not-Harvard-MIT-Stanford? Being 65? Being 15? Not having a CS degree? Not having any degree? Not being able to speak English clearly? All these things will hold you back. It sucks and it needs to change, but it's a separate issue from helping your wife succeed.

She needs to strategize, play hardball, and burn the motherf*ers to the ground. They have to be beaten at their own game, and it's not a technical one. All's fair in love & war.