[potatolicious]

Agree with kevingadd, and to add a bit more to it:

There is another statement between the lines. "Why are you so angry?" implies "This is too unimportant/trivial/false to get angry about." That's the prescriptive part that I think author is referring to.

This can be extra-infuriating, because not only can you not get your listener to engage on the topic at hand, they're outright dismissing this as a problem worth your/their time. To put a cherry on top, they're laying the blame at your feet for getting worked up about "nothing".

It's a lot of implications and insinuations wrapped up in a neat little package. Fundamentally this statement is objectionable because it demonstrates neither understanding of the issue at hand nor a basic amount of respect for the speaker (that he/she is capable of telling major issues apart from trivialities).

If your goal is to belittle and disrespect someone, use this phrase frequently. If your goal is understanding and genuine engagement with someone who thinks and believes differently than you, don't use this phrase at all.

[vukmir]

Not to repeat myself, see the answer to kevingadd's comment.

EDIT:

"If your goal is to belittle and disrespect someone, use this phrase frequently. If your goal is understanding and genuine engagement with someone who thinks and believes differently than you, don't use this phrase at all."

I didn't know this. Out of curiosity, how do you ask someone who is obviously angry why he/she/it is being angry?

[potatolicious]

If someone stole my car, and I come up to you. Angrily:

"vukmir, some asshole stole my car! I can't believe it! I was late to an important meeting! What a fucking shitbag!"

Would you respond with:

"Woah woah, why are you so angry?"

You know why I'm angry. The only context under which "why are you angry" is even a sensical question is one where the thing I'm angry about isn't worth being angry about. Which is also to say "why are you so angry" necessarily entails the dismissal of the subject the speaker is angry about.

edit:

> "how do you ask someone who is obviously angry why he/she/it is being angry?"

How would you respond to my hypothetical rant above, where someone has stolen my car?

[vukmir]

If someone stole your car and you tell me that, then I know why are you angry. My question is about a situation when I see you being angry and I don't know the reason why.

>"How would you respond to my hypothetical rant above, where someone has stolen my car?"

Who knows ... perhaps: "That fucking asshole. Look! Here he comes ... Let's kick his ass!"

[lengarvey]

You say: "Hey that must suck, is there anything I can do to help?" or if you genuinely can't figure it out ask a question about the bit you don't understand: "Let me get this right, someone stole your car and now you're late for a meeting?"

But be careful about asking questions which seem accusatory: "Did you leave your keys in your car? That would be pretty stupid"

Equivalent hypothetical statements in the realm of sexism/discrimination might be: "That sucks, is there anything I can do to help?" or if you're genuinely curious to learn more: "That sounds awful. You've raised some good points, are there any resources I can read so I can further understand?" but don't say: "You weren't wearing those hot-pants were you? That would be pretty stupid"