[xenophanes]

> I value deviation from the norm as much as the next free spirit, but deviation from this basic principle I will not allow myself ever.

I think it's bad to be a 'free spirit' in the sense of wanting to deviate from the norm. I do appreciate variety, but I'd prefer if there was less need to deviate. Radical and counter-intuitive ideas are harder to implement, and it's harder to find associates with those shared values. The point of deviating from the norm is that some normal ideas hurt people or cause problems. At least that's what I think. There is a genuine disagreement about the wisdom of some normal ideas, not just deviation for the sake of being a free spirit.

> If one partner decides that they're liable to "chat someone up and accidentally have sex" they should divorce/separate and carry on.

That's one option but there are lots of others. Richard Feynman made a game out of not cheating on Arline with tempting girls. He enjoyed the challenge. If you don't want to cheat, there are rational ways to accomplish that.

> I'm just appalled at an apparent justification of betrayal.

I think it's bad to betray people. I also think it's generally wise not to make promises that are hard to keep in the first place. One reason is this reduces the number of betrayals that take place. Another reason is that it's hard to predict the future and predict what you will want in the future.

[thoughtidsay]

Free spirit, free thinker, thoughtful, radical are some descriptions of the same idea. I guess it depends on the vantage point. A radical opposition to an oppression that catalyses a positive outcome, is viewed as a positive deviation by some, and of course viewed as a negative deviation by the oppressors. I basically try as I can to evaluate most "big ideas" on their merits, to the extent of my ability. I don't have neither the time nor energy to evaluate everything so some things I take at face value. So in my view, the more people who choose to think outside of the boundaries of a given established "norm", the more healthy the society in general. This is an enormous topic, so what I said is not even a splinter of it.

> That's one option but there are lots of others. Richard Feynman made a game out of not cheating on Arline with tempting girls. He enjoyed the challenge. If you don't want to cheat, there are rational ways to accomplish that.

Basically I view change of heart as a normal occurrence. It happens, there are far worse things in life. But I also view betrayal in some of the most negative light possible. Divorce/separate and off you go. I just don't see a solution to suppressing one's urge. If one is convinced they've "finally found the right person" then what next? I don't know, but I do know that to exercise that urge while feigning ignorance is pathetic example of a human malice and weakness. At least hold it until you can separate and inform your former "loved one" of your intentions. Otherwise, if it's a fleeting "crush". Drop it like a hot potato and move on. Why betray? Because it feels good? I don't know. Why make your loved one jealous? Some do it out of spite -- it becomes an endless game of getting back at each other.

> I think it's bad to betray people. I also think it's generally wise not to make promises that are hard to keep in the first place.

There are civil and fruitful means of dissolving a contract. It's just my view that conniving and lying and otherwise being unfaithful is an anathema to reason, trust and a healthy society. That's my view of course, and I don't plan to impose it on others in any way, but I will go to the utmost of my ability to abide by it.

It's just so happens that jealousy is the central emotion that runs through the veins of the aforementioned beast. Human interaction is built on jealousy and it can be either good or bad. I think few other emotions, except perhaps fear, have more influence over our lives, or are as central. I remain suspect when people claim immunity to it.