[pohl]

That's an interesting perspective. What you're saying is that marriage is a mode of communication for that one sentiment. Are there other modes of communicating the same sentiment? (an epic poem, breaking into heartfelt song, getting tattoos,...) Are they all equivalent? Does choosing to not express it by marriage necessarily imply that one is not willing to express it at all?

[scott_s]

It doesn't just communicate it to your partner, but to society. Getting married is a ritualized promise that is done before one's community of family and friends. I think saying the vows to your partner, in front of your family and friends, is markedly different than, say, writing a poem and getting tattoos.

I suppose marriage is what you make of it. I consider being married to be a different state than not being married. I don't see any state change happening from writing a poem. But there is one with getting tattoos.

Whether or not you get married in the eyes of the state or a church I don't think is important. But I do think that promise is important, and it is further weighted if done publicly.

[pohl]

I can dig that. I've been through the process myself. In the beginning, my thoughts on the matter were perfectly in line with yours.

Now that I'm on the other side, I've seen that neither the church, nor the state, nor the social network of community witnesses (nor the legal commitment of having adopted her two sons for that matter) could stand in the way of her caprice-driven dalliances.

And, living in a "No Fault Divorce" state meant that her violation of the terms of the marriage provided me no benefit or protection when it came time to kick her to the curb out of self-preservation.

Society, with all its witnessing, was nowhere to be found. Everybody wants to come to the wedding. Nobody wants to come to the divorce.

Next time I'll opt for the tattoo. ;-)

[ahoyhere]

As a life long marriage skeptic - who recently got married - I can tell you, being married is different than any other situation.

I've always been a "it's just a piece of paper, you don't need it to signify real commitment" -- but I was wrong. I was surprised, myself.