Ask HN: I’ve burnt out at a megacorp and don’t know what to do next

[xyyyrz]

(This is a throwaway account)

I’ve been working for a megacorp for the past 3 years, with some time at other megacorps and a startup before that. I’ve had my own company on the side but recently sunsetted my products as they were not going to scale.

I’ve been working on a VERY prominent part of a VERY large product. In my short time at the company I’ve secured a niche position where I’m on point for a large component that is critical for the product. I think there was a misunderstanding about the complexity and relative size of the area when I was assigned the role. Over the past year I’ve really stepped up to own the area and contribute across my team in substantial ways which have directly led to the success of my product and team. I worked 100hr weeks for months on end, ensuring that we were able to deliver the right features. Obviously working this much was the wrong choice, but passion drove me to the “the right thing.”

But this role and this work, it has damaged my passion. I’ve become something of a machine—problems in and solutions out. I see where our product engineers created designs that were arrogant and inflexible. I replaced “caring” with raw engineering.

In the process of working 100hr weeks, I’ve optimized out the rest of “life.” I have roughly ten years of experience and while I am a junior engineer, I know that I am very rapidly approaching the senior level. I know how analyze the larger problem and look past the problem at hand. The role I’m in now has provided me the opportunity to debug very challenging problems not at just the program level but at the operating system level.

I’ve always dreamed of starting a company. I don’t have any plan and don’t know how to get there, but at the high level I believe that’s where I want to go. I’m not ready for that just yet, though.

What can I do next? I’m very much a “systems guy.”

[bitops]

Take five weeks off and don't engage with work in any way. Don't program, don't read technical books, no nothing. Slow down and let yourself feel the toll the amount of work you've done has taken on you.

If you give yourself a lot of space and maybe try something new and different (kayaking, mountain biking, running, painting, music, whatever) an inspiration will come to you. You've obviously gained a lot of experience and are ready for something new. But you have to give yourself a healthy amount of room for the real creative energy to return.

Good luck!

[xyyyrz]

Thanks for commenting!

I've been thinking about a sabbatical type deal, though I'm concerned if I don't have focus, that'll be very challenging (and potentially put me into a depressive spiral if I'm not programming). I have a strong desire to build something, so perhaps painting or some other constructive hobby would help.

[karlkatzke]

If you have the desire to build something and you need a sabbatical, have you considered a volunteer service trip of some sort? It need not take you out of the country; I haven't looked recently, but last time I was considering something similar there were week+ long projects building homes for the poor in New Orleans, building or maintaining hiking trails all along the Appalachian Trail and many other forest projects, and all kinds of other things local and national. You may need to acquire supplies and transport yourself to a pickup site, but they typically provide food and tools.

This does three things: It gets you out of the office and away from your email. (When doing what I call an "away trip" -- yes, nerdy -- I have either put my smart phone's SIM card into a dumb phone or given everyone a separate phone number to reach me at a prepaid cell phone. I leave the phone off the majority of the time, and instruct them to leave a voicemail and I will call them back when I get around to it.) It gets you away from the cycle of HN, Reddit, and other news sites. And last, it gives you something tangible that you can look back and say that you built.

Trips I've done have included building mountain bike trails, gathering a large group of friends from a small HN-like forum to help clean out a forum member's estranged mother's house. She'd become a hoarder in her old age, and filled a beautiful 3,000 sq. ft. mansion in rural Illinois with ... stuff. But every piece had to be sorted and evaluated, because there were many collector's items and valuable things hidden, like silver dollars from the early 1900s stuffed into a pillow that seemed strangely heavy. Eight people sorted and moved enough stuff out to fill 40 cu. yd. dumpster per day, and fixed enough of the plumbing issues to prevent further damage to the house. It was pretty filthy work, it was insanely exhausting, and it created a very tight bond between some special people. Seeing, and having the community's support for it, left me refreshed and ready to return to work.

[bigiain]

I have found a "happy place" for me in programming _very_ small systems – most powerfully from a personal satisfaction/joy point of view, stuff without an OS. Arduino, Teensy, bare ATmega168s and ATtinys – coded in either the Arduino "java-alike" language, bare (no libraries) C, or actual raw assembler. Current projects include hacking on the Ardupilot quadcopter control code, a data logger for my coffee grinder (http://www.flickr.com/photos/bigiain/6722839301/) and an Arduino driving a pair of cameras on pan tilt mounts to feed into some Processing/OpenCV code.

I find once I jump up to a RaspberryPi/BeagleBoard scale device with a whole Linux OS onboard, it starts to seem a little too much like "work".

From a "making things" perspective, I get _heaps_ of inspiration from the Arduino forums, my local hackerspace (both in-person at the space, as well as via the mailing list), and my local DorkBot group (again, both meetings and mailing list).

What works for me might not be what you need – but if you've got a drive to code and make stuff, tinkering on the borders of the tech and art worlds is fun…

[xyyyrz]

Thanks bigiain. I have been mainly a Windows engineer for a while now, though I'm feeling increasingly uncomfortable about my skill level on Windows (very high, imho) against my skill level on Linux (I can't hack Linux with the best of them unfortunately) is off balance. I've spent some time hacking on Android (recently) and have a history with embedded systems, but again not at a level I'm comfortable with. I've also been thinking a lot about 3d printing and how that intersection can yield new opportunities.

Totally think the intersection of tech and art or tech & other fields is a good way to reach some balance, maybe it's time to pick up a Pi...

[bitops]

You're welcome! Good idea on the painting. If you want to keep your focus (which is a good thing) then something creative away from the computer is probably a good idea.

There are tons and tons of things that overlap with programming in terms of creative focus. Writing, painting, etc. are all great.

I'd also recommend finding a way to spend time outside. Our brains get a little square sometime from sitting inside all day looking at the screen. I've had a lot of creative ideas while hiking or sitting by the ocean (when it's not crowded).

[coopdog]

Ten years experience and programmed a critical feature of a large program? I'd say you're a senior.

I don't know the culture of your company, but one thing to consider is just telling your manager that you're near burning out (I wouldn't say burned out), celebrate what you've achieved and ask for your next assignment to be a little more laid back while you recharge for the next big push. Get something you can really switch off of when you walk out the door.

At most places just starting an honest conversation and telling them why something is in their best interest will get you what you want. If they really want a revolving door of burned out engineers you're better off leaving anyway.

[xyyyrz]

Thanks for commenting coopdog!

I'm concerned that as soon as I bring this up in any shape, I'll be labeled as a flight risk (and rightfully so). Right now based on the conversations I've had with peers on my team, others are planning to leave at the end of the release. If I am to stay on, my role will widen greatly and I'll need to (again) train others on the area. It'll be very very difficult for me to "run away" from my feature area given that I am the resident expert and probably one of the only people who has a coherent understanding of the end to end working of the system.

This is especially scary since due to my level, I don't believe I can be compensated appropriately for the amount of work and stress this situation would bring on. I've been rejected for promotion due to "length in level" before, so it is a long way uphill.

I appreciate your optimism about me being senior already (:)) but not all of those 10 years are post-undergrad experience, so I believe it counts for less in the eyes of an interviewer. I've been undergoing rigorous introspection trying to determine how my skills really stack up, but perhaps I just need to begin interviewing for different levels.

[nicholas73]

Without knowing anything else more, I'd say with others leaving that puts you in a strong position to negotiate.

[throwaway1979]

Where are you based? If you are in the north east US, we should start a support group :-p

[xyyyrz]

Seattle. I hail from the northeast though, thinking about moving back if the opportunity arose.

[superconductor]

You are asking strangers the question you alone must figure out. Give yourself some time away to figure out an answer. There are no shortcuts here. You need time away and only you can do this.