[mswen]

Does your family know why you took a gap year despite good academic performance? If they don't know the reasons or only have a vague notion of why you took a year off, it might be good to have one of those honest vulnerable conversations and make sure they understand both the situational issues and how it has impacted you emotionally.

I am a parent with a 19 year old at university. Despite my ambitions that she proceed full speed ahead, I know that I value her mental health more than a speedy completion of studies. You might find your parents more understanding than you imagine if they know all the details.

[bookreader]

My parents are aware that I was depressed. I've also told them that I think dropping out would be the better choice for my mental health.

They disagree and seem to think that I don't have enough wisdom (I think this is what many Asian parents believe about twenty year olds).

They're not going to kick me out though if I drop out. And even if they do, I've saved 18k and have contracting work for at least the next year. I think I should be okay. I'm just asking for perspective and to see if I'm making any serious mistakes in my reasoning.

[anigbrowl]

Most parents, not just Asian ones, believe this about 20 year olds. Unfortunately, they're right.

The problem is that parents/society tends to say to 20 year olds 'you just don't know, go ahead and do the conventional thing even if you don't feel good about it, you'll be glad later when it comes to getting a better job/finding a mate/buying your own home.' The benefits of a complete education seem so obvious to them that anyone who doesn't want one appears obtuse, so they don't make much effort to sell the notion, any more than you or I would seriously entertain a kid's stated willingness to be illiterate or innumerate.

If I could invent a time machine ('and if I had gone to college, maybe I could...' - nagging doubt like that hangs around :-) ), then I'd go back and tell my youthful self that there's a bunch of cool stuff I'm missing out on, even if if I have to go through a few false starts within the tertiary education system before finding the right path.

It's obviously not true that you can't get an education except by going to college, because any smart person can educate themselves to a great degree, and often at considerable speed. But proof of education is a valuable asset, and access to a large social network and intellectual depth in an environment devoted to rewarding your curiosity it a huge huge benefit.

What sort of things do you want to do in your life? Obviously it's nice too be financially independent and so on right now, but that's practical stuff. Look beyond your immediate needs, and assume for a minute that you'll probably be able to enjoy a pleasant lifestyle and reasonable financial security because you were lucky enough to get born where and when you did etc.. What would you like to work on that you can't possibly do right now, but could imagine doing one day? Astronaut? Tycoon? Philosopher? Dentist? (I presume some people must enjoy dentistry rather than just doing it because it pays well)

Give your imagination some time to operate. There must be something that you're interested in that would be an awful lot easier to achieve with an Ivy-league education. Don't be too quick to rule out wacky possibilities because they seem wacky. If you secretly dream of being Indiana Jones, then you'll need an archaeology degree. Never mind just now how many jobs there are for archaeologists, that's just a matter of competition which can come later. Likewise, programming as you're doing now is an excellent means of making a living and you could become $uper rich. The question is whether being a computer programmer is the most awesome and desirable thing you can imagine wanting to do with your life, or whether you're just doing it because it's cool and you're good at it.

[bookreader]

I think the problem is that my parents seem to feel that college is a necessity for a good life, which I think I disagree with. There seem to be plenty of programmers without degrees.

The things I'm really interested in doing beyond practical needs don't require a college degree, and in some ways I think three years in the real world would be more valuable. I'm interested in entrepreneurship and non-fiction / fiction writing, and both of those seem to benefit heavily from real world experience.

[anigbrowl]

Well, it helps. And don't make the mistake of thinking that college is not real life, just because it's curated. Think of it like an intellectual shopping mall :-)