| I had a similar dilemma. I taught high school in one of the most impoverished school districts in the country. I certainly felt (and still feel) that the work I did there was incredibly crucial, but I left to follow my heart and pursue a career studying music. I went through a few months of logical conflict, trying to rationalize for my logical brain the commitment I'd made to do something for my own fulfillment, and arguable selfishness. This was made more stark by the fact that I was moving from a job that had a very immediate impact in an area of very obvious and dire need to something that could be viewed as recreational. But eventually I realized that what drew me to music was the fact that it was one of the great constants in my life. It has enhanced my happiest moments, and it has helped my ride out some brutally difficult times in my life. It serves that same purpose for my former students. Music led me to doing my own startup, http://breakrs.com. And, the fact is, I was leaving teaching anyway. It is by a long shot the most difficult and stressful thing I've ever done. It was a completely unsustainable lifestyle. Pouring my heart and soul into this undermanned startup--it's not even a comparison. We've had numerous failures, and only hints of success. We've had very tough pitches. None of it's comparable to how hard I had to work as a teacher and what it feels like to bomb four lessons in one day in front of an audience of cynical teenagers <i>and</i> feel as though you've failed to educate them. This thing we do is a tremendous privilege, when it comes down to it. That's nothing to be ashamed of, but it should be recognized. It's <i>not</i> the hardest or most crucial job in the world "to disrupt the basketweaving market" or whatever each of us works on. In the real-world, nearly all of those kids I taught are de facto denied the opportunity to do what I'm doing today, with even a shade of my probability of success. That's a tremendous injustice. However, I know that I can't spend my life tilting after windmills. I will never forget to find ways to give back and give a hand up to those who are less fortunate, but I'm going to enjoy this life by doing things that are fun and important to me. Innovating something that the improves the market for X is fun, challenging, multifaceted, highly rewarding, and important. It allows you to actualize a vision. There's nothing wrong with being proud of that. I've experienced a lot of untimely loss in my life, but never in a prolonged way, and I know that is in many ways more difficult. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. |