| Yeah, I had a bit of a struggle with: > Yes, we encountered dicks in our lives. Yes, we have been assaulted in
our lives, maybe in broad daylight, in public. Yes, we've been hit on
tastelessly and repeatedly and we have been disgusted and annoyed and
sometimes we have been near panic. Some of us have encountered
violence. We've gotten grabbed our asses, gotten felt up our boobs,
have been stared at, wolf whistles at us and had some drunken moron
hang in front of us. Yes, some of us have hit the proverbial glass
ceiling in our careers. > This is (a bad) part of our lives and yes, we judge social gathering and
human encounters by how comfortable we are and how safe we feel and by
their level of open or veiled dickishness. > But this is only ONE aspect of being a woman and we do not like to let
this aspect dominate how we live and behave within the tech
communities of our choice. The first paragraph acknowledges sexual and physical assaults/harassment, the second acknowledges that these shape our worldview, but the third implies that the victim is able to overcome the problem and let it slide off of their back. I think this is a bit if a dangerous message to send because it negates the unfortunate reality that it is always in the back of your mind and it insinuates that these encounters are one-offs, as opposed to childhood trauma or ongoing domestic issues (ignoring that a lot of the harassment faced these days is online and done by people who wouldn't at all think to do it in real-life). Also I'm not sure if "assault" is coming from someone's CoC, but: > We also like to keep the vocabulary appropriate: An "assault" is an
act of violence, an agressive act to overpower a person. We do not
feel being hit on tastelessly being an assault. A blunt stare into
our cleavage is not an assault. Someone accidently touching us is not
an assault. The typical french pseudo-kiss-hug is a cultural thing
and not an assault. A hug might be a completely friendly act and not
an assault - even if it might not be welcome. .. comes off more as "Hey guys, don't worry! We're not tight-asses about this stuff!" vs. "Assault is the wrong word to use, but these are still forms of harassment depending on the person and the action, so please know when and what is appropriate for whom." |
I don't think she's saying that. These events are serious, but they're just one event among a lifetime of events. If you needed to use a wheelchair to move around, you would want people to respect your mobility limits, but you would emphatically want to be more than just your wheelchair. This does not imply an expectation to let that you should let the injury "slide off your back," but it does mean that it's your life and we should all let you decide how to deal with it. Don't push your understanding of how I should feel on me.
The author is saying, yes, these things happen and they're bad. But let's not lose sight of what we are here for. We are all more than our injuries, and even (especially!) when those injuries continue to haunt us we should strive to do more than focus on them.