[DenisM]

1. Your subjective view of your own situation is very negative - "done myself in", "a life of doom" etc.

2. At the same time your situation is objectively good - you have a good profession and a good job, you're not complaining about health problems other than alcohol dependency, and you kicked the alcohol for two months now. Even if you went to jail you're out free now. The whole life is in front of you.

Given the obvious contradiction here, I suggest that you should not trust your own judgement, and instead defer to someone else until your judgement is repaired. This sort of discrepancy is indicative of anxiety-type disorder, the kind that impairs your ability to evaluate your situation and makes everything looks worse than it is. The best you can do is seek help from a professional psychotherapist, and do exactly as they instruct you. Do not deviate, do not "optimize", do not skip steps. Suspend all judgement and do exactly as you're told. Use your logical side to overrule your emotional side and just follow the program, because it's the right thing to do.

[anaon12]

Thanks for the reply. The PI charge can be expunged next year so really I'll only have the 2 duis (one of which is ongoing but the nature of DUI laws its pretty much going to end up a conviction). Even before the first sight of legal trouble I was considering therapy but ive been afraid of being subscribed medication that may disconnect me even further or the social stigmatism of needing mental health help. Having your reply though has offered a much needed outside opinion.

[DenisM]

Discuss it with therapist if you would prefer to reserve drugs as a last resort, and try all the other, non-chemical things first, such as CBT. You might even start by looking for a CBT-specializing therapist, as you are more likely to find understanding from them.