[virtualwhys]

and then there are the twinkle eyed ones that spend huge amounts of time alone (hermits, monks/nuns on long term solo retreat). It probably has less to do with being alone than feeling alone.

For lay people, however, living alone in the world goes against the grain; hard not to feel like an odd ball.

Something the article does not touch on is accepting the reality of alone-ness: we're all alone together (quote from an old friend).

[WalterSear]

>Something the article does not touch on is accepting the reality of alone-ness: we're all alone together (quote from an old friend).

I don't think this is the same thing. Some people are demonstrably more alone than others, such as closeted men during the AIDS epidemic.

[virtualwhys]

Agreed, but doesn't change the fact that we're all alone together.

Even connected people, with friends, family, and lovers by their side...exit stage left alone.

Loneliness is a layer thrown on top of fundamental alone-ness. Obviously life is more enjoyable when feeling connected, belonging and so on, but for many that's simply not in the cards.

If everyone felt accepted and loved, would it be life? Sounds more like heaven.

[stelonix]

I believe you're missing the point: there are people who are way more lonely than the average person. From the article, I believe it is talking about people who are lonely and do not enjoy it (even if unconsciously).

[saraid216]

> If everyone felt accepted and loved, would it be life? Sounds more like heaven.

Sounds like a challenge.

[WalterSear]

>If everyone felt accepted and loved, would it be life?

YES.

[hosh]

It does have more to do with feeling alone.

Hermits, monks, nuns, sages, sadhus, ascetics, cultivators, shamans, mind travellers from all around the world of different wisdom traditions typically have essentially the same practice. Each is looking into themselves to gain insights about the world. This insight is at the core of everything:

    We live in an *illusion* that we are separate from each other.

This is at the core of the loneliness. To be intimate, to be connected, is to realize that how we are already connected.

When you know this, it does not matter whether you are physically isolated or not.

This isn't something that special people called monks or nuns can do. This is a capacity in each of us. That capacity is something we call love. Not "romance". Love. Love that a child has for his parent, love that a mother and father have for their child. Love among lovers and friends. Love for the people in your community. Love for the strangers you don't know.

So of course, "living alone in the world goes against the grain." The grain is to be connected. Anyone, lay or not, who separates themselves find themselves alone.

Separation comes in many forms. It isn't just physical. Being proud or ashamed is separation. Being proud makes you "above" or "better" than someone. That's separation. Being ashamed makes you want to hide away. That's separation. Being so angry and hateful of someone that you want to destroy their standing, status, credibility, resources, life -- yeah, that's a form of separation.

Being disgusted and averting your eyes from the homeless in the street is separation. Being disturbed and fearful of the mentally ill -- that too is separation. Being repulsed by the ugly and deformed, by the lepers and unclean, yeah, that is separation.

Being special: heh, yeah, that's the very essence of separation.

We're not "alone together". In wanting to be special, to be unique, to have our brand of personality, we want to carve out this little corner of "me". And in the very doing so, we create distance.

So get in touch with yourself; get in touch with your family and friends. Start with some affection, that's pretty easy :-)

[guylhem]

Best comment of this article IMHO. Posting this just to catch the reader eye and maybe encourage 1 more person to read it.

[hosh]

:-)

[intellegacy]

This is amazing! So insightful.

Can I talk to you sometime via email? I'm interested in your thoughts about how to bring people together and be less lonely.

BTW why can't I follow you on quora?

[hosh]

Sure, feel free to email me.

I don't know why you can't follow me on Quora.

[intellegacy]

I don't see your email anywhere but sent you an invitation on linkedin. or pop me one.

[virtualwhys]

"So get in touch with yourself; get in touch with your family and friends. Start with some affection, that's pretty easy :-)"

That's an interesting assumption. Perhaps there's another form of separation: playing the role of teacher ;-)

The all alone together expression is a koan, presumably you "get" it.

[hosh]

Sure, ok :-)

[kpennell]

great comment

[hosh]

Thanks!