[mtrimpe]

I was responding to ahoyhere with my comment and I edited it after I realised it she is also a woman in tech.

I guess I really wish that the 'women in tech' had responded more along the lines of "Yes she's acting like a childish <expletive of choice> and we don't like it either, but don't you dare treat her like this.'

P.S. This is from a queer in tech who was once similarly cast to the lions for complaining (in private ;) about management calling LGBT co-workers faggots, so that might have polarised me a bit on issues like these.

[katherineparker]

I agree with what you're saying and also sorry for butting in :P (I was a bit confused). Adria definitely doesn't deserve what is happening to her. I think the reason a lot of people lack sympathy is because her situation is like her being bullied for being a bully. Bullying is wrong no matter what (or who it's done to) and people need to remember that.

[ahoyhere]

> I really can't figure out why are women in tech so hard on themselves...

I'm not hard on myself at all.

Frankly, I think I'm quite gentle on a person who crowed about her heroism, her impact on the ages, her contribution to "the great fight", of attacking a couple of blameless strangers, posting their photos online without their permission, who used her ability to stop a conversation entirely to get others kicked out of a conference and to silence them… and who did it all because the other people were of a different gender. Those are the actions of a bully.

I don't have to sympathize with somebody's actions because they share my chromosomes.

I am not a bully. I don't defend bullies. I don't care what they've got in their pants. Bullies are bullies and they come in every shape and form.

I don't have to use the word "we" to include myself as if I belong with people I don't know, have never met, have nothing in common with, disagree violently with, etc.

I don't have to make a statement "as a woman in tech" that death threats are wrong. (Do you feel the need to make a statement against child abuse every time somebody talks about a "gay" Catholic priest molesting a choir boy? No? Probably because it goes without saying, right, and has absolutely nothing to do with you to begin with?)

BTW - actually calling people "faggots" is not even in the same city, much less ballpark, as a couple of strangers behind you giggling over a "dongle" joke to themselves, that was not directed at you, did not involve you, and did not refer to anyone in the audience or on the stage. "Dongle" is not a slur, it's not a title, it's not a word of oppression, and guess what, it's a silly joke on the level of a 3rd grader going "YOU SAID 'IT'!!" -- totally harmless.

Bullies who glory in their bullying with the expectation that their powerful in-group will congratulate them, on the other hand? That's exactly like people who call other people faggots.

[mtrimpe]

> I don't have to sympathize with somebody's actions because they share my chromosomes.

I didn't at all mean to imply that you should have. I only hesitantly used 'women in tech' here because I was talking about my own wish for one of my own abstractions.

> Bullies who glory in their bullying with the expectation that their powerful in-group will congratulate them, on the other hand? That's exactly like people who call other people faggots.

You might be right. I guess I can't judge the situation nor the cultural differences accurately enough to determine which side is the evil-doer here.

Let's just that if she really did honestly believe she was (selflessly) fighting the good cause, I can relate quite well to what she must be going through right now.

[ahoyhere]

> Let's just that if she really did honestly believe she was (selflessly) fighting the good cause, I can relate quite well to what she must be going through right now.

I think you're underrating yourself and overrating her. Many people claim to be "fighting the good fight" and use that to do awful things. A lot of them are "fighting against the good fight" against gay civil rights. Do you sympathize with them too? (I'd understand if you said yes, but most people don't extend their sympathies that far.) Just think about it. Feelings aren't truth. (And statements aren't necessarily even truth about feelings.)