[marshray]

In addition to all the other advice you get, consider this:

It's a not a minor thing by any means, but it is at least a relatively common thing. You're not the first person to encounter this.

Unless you're a literature scholar, no one will look down on you for not having read War and Peace cover-to-cover.

You don't have to figure it all out right away. You have the rest of your life to figure out how to operate your head. Thinking about thinking is fun, but too much at once can be like eating too much candy.

Keep up your expectations for self-discipline, it's valuable and has gotten you this far. That's enough for most people, but you're different. So let yourself off the hook a bit judgmentally.

A lot of folks end up having fun with it.