Given the volatility you may doubt the longevity of bitcoin as a currency, but since you can exchange it for some goods and services it looks like Real Money to me (at least right now).
If we get down to the basics I think anything that is a medium of exchange is a currency. So in some circles cigarettes and Tide work as currency. Though these "currencies" are not legal tender.
Money is a store of value, a medium of exchange, and a unit of account.
A store of value is something you could accept in payment for work and hold on to.
A medium of exchange is something a shoemaker can use to obtain bread from a baker who doesn't want shoes.
A unit of account is something with a value stable enough that you can measure the value of arbitrary goods with it; like the Bloomberg article says, it's what enables a cheesemaker to put a price tag on cheese without forcing her to become a currency speculator.
Bitcoins slipped into speculative realm a couple of weeks ago and probably after the crash the speculators will exit the market. A stable bitcoin can easily serve the three functions you listed above. As I said in my first comment this volatility raises questions about longvity of bitcoins but they have not ceased to be real money, at least for now.
It is just a 3-4 year old technology lets wait and watch how this plays out before writing it off completely.
I dont know if bitcoins will ever stabilize or go down to zero but I also believe that no one can be so sure about how a free market is going to behave to just write it off at this moment.