| I absolutely agree with snowwrestler. Being courteous does not mean taking whatever crap people want to deal out. It also does not mean being a doormat or putting up with abuse. If you feel you are being used or walked on, just politely say "No, thank you. I appreciate your asking, but I'm not able to accommodate you in that way at the moment." A smile really helps here. It's important to remember that business relationships only work when both sides benefit. You have every right to refuse a deal where you don't benefit. Everybody in business understands this. I remember reading a "Miss Manners" advice column back in the 90's where someone asked her how to deal with improper questions about age, weight, and other personal matters. She suggested firmly saying "I beg your pardon???!" in a way that makes it clear the other person has stepped beyond the bounds of appropriate behavior while still maintaining one's own dignity. I supposed the modern equivalent would be to say "I'm sorry, WHAT did you say????" You say it in a way that makes it clear that you must have misunderstood, since up to this moment, your opinion of the person would never have included that kind of behavior. It gives them an out too. You mentioned that you were considered "motherly." You have to be careful you don't end up having the same difficulties with your own children (if you are now or eventually become a mother) that you are having in your business relationships. So often I see mothers that don't know how to say "no" firmly, but lovingly to their children. The mothers end up resentful of being taken advantage of, and it teaches the children that being annoying and demanding is the path to success. Teaching them right from wrong over the long term is much more important than satisfying their short-term desires. Another point I would mention is that final success in life is not measured by being rich if the meaning of that word is only financial. A successful life is one filled with health, good friends, a loving family, enough money to be financially secure, and something interesting and fulfilling to do until you die. The money is just a means to the other things, and it doesn't take being rich. Unfortunately, many people think that money solves a lot more problems than it actually does. Finally, please ignore mistermann. He has demonstrated his own ignorance about courtesy. |
Thank you for replying. Again, I actually do pretty well with issues of boundaries. I think there are other things going on here. Given some of the ugly responses, I am disinclined at this time to try to speculate or articulate.