[curt]

The problem with online dating boils down to: guys have no idea what they are doing. I've helped my friends and the secret is to write a three sentence message: an intro about why the message, a funny sentence, and finally a light question. It's pretty simple.

I used it on OkCupid and got about a 30-50% response rate. Now I'm 6'8" and in shape which skewed the results but my friends copied what I did and their response rates skyrocketed. Then you only send 2-3 more messages before asking her out for drinks. Worked nearly 100% of the time.

I think that it comes down to, people spend way too much time trying to write the perfect message or profile. Be yourself. Think of it as a filter to get rid of the girls that you aren't compatible with.

Then when you're on the date, relax and just have fun. I've heard so many horror stories from my female friends of guys that are super awkward. The group setting is a great idea as it relaxes people and gives them support. That's why wingmen exist.

[gimeq]

Yeah, just be tall, good looking, confident, and comfortable conversing in contrived situations like bar/cafe meetings with strangers.

Wonder why guys can't figure that out?

[curt]

you can teach yourself to be confident and comfortable around women. I used to HORRIBLE back in the day.

[cheald]

Fake it 'til you make it. If you act like you know what you're doing for long enough, that will actually end up building confidence.

[transitionality]

I bet your idea of a horrible dating life is most guys' idea of a Casanova style dating life, 6'8'', built, good looking guy.

[beachstartup]

no. do not be yourself if being yourself has not netted you success. men need to do the research and then put in the practice in what women actually want.

there are thousands of articles and dozens of discussion sites out there related to self-improvement and success with women. there is a huge spectrum from bad PUA stuff all the way to general fitness and nutrition focus, avoid the ones that turn you off and read the ones that appeal to your common sense.

i repeat - do NOT just "be yourself". tall fit white guy's advice does not apply to you if you are not tall and fit and white. you need to put in the work to improve yourself if you are not the hollywood marketed image of 'perfect guy'

ignore this guy and improve yourself in other more meaningful ways. attractive women do not exclusively go for good looking tall guys, not by FAR. women are not actually that shallow. it's more about personality and fitness.

[kadavy]

The message pattern you describe sounds a lot like "the one-line hook"[1], and yes, it's very effective.

[1]http://onlinedatingmatchmaker.com/match-messages/