[sneak]

Despite my privilege, I have studied the real numbers both from the literature as well as having personal experiences regarding the safety (or, much more accurately, the often total lack thereof) of women in western society.

Still, this strikes me as an unreasonable level of fear in response to common social situations.

Yes, rape culture is real. Yes, drunk people are more dangerous, on average, than sober people.

No, this does not mean you should start skipping events where people are drinking because some of them might hurt you.

Just because our western culture is generally terrible doesn't mean that you should go around living in fear. The moment you start equating the median drunk stranger with "someone I should avoid being around", you have crossed the line into pathology, in my opinion.

[shadowspar]

> Yes, rape culture is real. Yes, drunk people are more dangerous, on average, than sober people. > No, this does not mean you should start skipping events where people are drinking because some of them might hurt you.

This isn't really your judgement call to make on behalf of somebody else, is it?

I'm a fairly big guy with some martial arts training, so when it comes to being around a bunch of people who are inebriated, I assess the level of risk to me as being pretty low. If I were a woman, and someone who's less physically imposing than almost everyone at the party, my assessed level of risk would doubtless be higher. Too, if I've been raped or subjected to other sexual violence previously -- as a significant number of women have -- I can't imagine my risk tolerance being very high at all.

[juridatenshi]

This is all easy for you to say considering the privilege you mention. These things are academic to you. They are a real lived experience for some of us.

Also, I'm not terrified of drinking events at conferences. It's not like it's this super-fun thing I'm so sad I'm missing because I've got this unreasonable fear. They're things I skip sometimes because it's more fun to go do something else than risk dealing with bullshit (or on rare occasions actual risk).

[steveklabnik]

Most women I've been close to, including multiple partners, have expressed that they have a decision-making process similar to this. Regardless of your assessment of paranoia, it is the actual experience of many women in the States today.