[turnwhere]

These are all interesting points. In terms of caring for something, and something being dependent on me, I know that this would stop me wanting to kill myself so much - but it would be out of guilt. I already have that feeling for my mother. I want to find a positive reason to live, instead of what I see as a reverse negative.

The traveling thing - it's funny you should mention that. A month ago I did exactly this. I've left my business running and I've gone to another country. I am trying to spend as much time as possible volunteering, to help other people, as I thought this might help me. So far unfortunately I have felt very bad here. I am not entirely sure why. I will be here for another 2 months before I return.