[wanttohelp]

Not having been in your shoes I feel that my suggestions may not actually be helpful. But I do want you to know that I and I'm sure many others are reading your post and we care and want to help.

Looking back through your life, what experiences and activities have been most comforting or enjoyable? Try to focus on the things that you've enjoyed and valued.

Here's a crazy idea for you: hike the Appalachian Trail. It's an opportunity to disconnect and reflect. It's not for everybody but maybe you would enjoy it.

I also encourage you to seek new professional help. Work with someone new. Try a new approach. It sounds like current support mechanisms are not working.