[rauar]

Definitely _not_ the wrong place. Glad you do not give up and try to do something against your current situation.

You should seriously get professional help. From what I read you seem to have had a therapy in the past and it doesn't work anymore. Did you try any alternatives ?

I'm sure other commenters can recommend professional where you live.

Wish you the best.

PS: I'm everything else but someone with good advice but to me a combination of medical therapy and mental training seems to be an idea (so that you do not rely on only one thing to work out)

Update: due to what you wrote in the 2nd paragraph here is what I found please make use of it:

http://support.twitter.com/articles/20170000-suicidal-and-se...

http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html

[turnwhere]

Thank you for the links. I have called the hotline a few times in the past couple weeks.. if nothing else it was just because I had to tell someone how close I was and how bad I felt. I can't tell anyone I know. Partly because I can't bear the embarrassment, but also because I don't want them to stop me.