[lilsunnybee]

If you aren't i'd be really surprised. At the very least your thought patterns are self-sabotaging and depression-inducing. There might be something else going on here too, that it would be good to check with a doctor about (bipolar?)

Your life isn't going to get back on track until you start thinking better about yourself. The reason you're so self-absorbed right now is because you're constantly beating yourself up; its a full-time job. Once you can have a little self-esteem and equanimity again, its going to be a lot easier to think of others and work projects and be able to achieve your goals.

At the very least go on vacation, or move; its easier to get out of ruts if you're somewhere new and different, for neurological reasons. Go somewhere new and remake yourself closer to the person you want to be.

If you do nothing besides trying the same thing you've tried dozens or hundreds of times before, that's what's really worrying and dangerous. :-(

[nonobu]

As someone in a very similar situation to OP, and someone who is about to move to another country precisely for the reasons you cite, I can't agree with you more. Just deciding to move has made me a lot more motivated. Granted, I don't realy know what I'm going to find, but at least I'm fighting this thing head-on.

[lilsunnybee]

Good luck. I hope it will be a really positive thing for you. :-)