[undupe]

I wish there was a web community for shutins like myself who would like to no longer be shutins. It's definitely not Grouper - sorry, "ending loneliness" doesn't mean finding a girlfriend and being judged on your tagged Facebook photos (as someone who is actually lonely, I have no photos tagged, and I assume that's why Grouper never admitted me. You have to be unlonely to join Grouper, in reality.). The only people I've really been able to relate to are other loners but they're hard to find obviously. My biggest fear, which is confirmed time and time again, is that my awkwardness and general boringness scares people off. It'd be nice if I could meet someone who, with fair certainty, would not be like that to me.

> They form relationships with other people only if they believe they will not be rejected. Loss and rejection are so painful that these people will choose to be lonely rather than risk trying to connect with others.

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000940.htm

[lastbookworm]

I think this would definitely be helpful. Definitely something I will think about starting. You can really only get a handle on your emotions when you've someone that understands you and to do that you need to be able to express yourself without fear of rejection; a group of us would definitely help with that.

All the resources for the socially isolated tend to be directed at;

1. Those that are depressed or insane. As I mentioned (albeit in a very hyperbolic manner) people tend to assume you're depressed and the only help I have ever been offered was to help cure my non-existent depression. I think it's because most people cant imagine cutting themselves off from the world. They'd only do it if they had a serious mental breakdown, so they assume we must have had one.

or

2. Autistic people that are severely socially disabled.

I'm neither depressed nor severely social disabled. I imagine most shut-ins aren't.

The judgment and inaccurate labeling that comes with seeking help severely deters people like us from seeking it. The very reason I withdrew from society is because I couldn't take the labeling and social judgment.

I'd encourage you to read up on Hikikomori. Japan has a culture that causes a great deal more shut-ins than we do and there is a significant body of work on the phenomenon. Shutting Out the Sun http://www.amazon.com/Shutting-Out-Sun-Generation-Departures... is a pretty good book. There is a good introductory article here http://www.nytimes.com/2006/01/15/magazine/15japanese.html?p...

Simply reading about others like me was enough to give me the courage to share with a few online friends and from there I got the courage to publish my story. There are lots of people like us, you're not alone. Feel free to email me anytime "[e-mail]". We can chat about whatever.

[VLM]

"The very reason I withdrew from society"

It might be insightful to you, that you made a substantial Singular vs Plural mistake there. There's more than one society / culture, more than one way of life, more than one mode of socialization... Its a big planet, now go find the rest of it. Much like your story related numerous different places to physically live without getting the point there are numerous different cultures/societies to live in. As a much older dude than you, I found several (sub)cultures I like and happily socialize in. Lifestyle and culture of the masses, some parts are OK, some, maybe most, no. Reason, analyze, freely pick and choose, that is a feature, not a bug. Take reasoning engine, enter inadequate information, test and get confusing output, assume problem is the reasoning engine, not so. Its a big planet, there's more out there than just extroverted dominant media culture or nothingness. How to figure out the right way to live, that is the true education.

[mnicole]

Don't feel too bad about not being eligible for Grouper. An [introverted, self-proclaimed lonely] friend of mine did one a few weeks ago and said he had nothing in common with any of the women except for one that also worked in tech. She ended up being the one everyone was pining after and because lonely/introverted people aren't the ones that are going to strike up conversations (especially if it means competing against others to do so), he ended up going home and feeling pretty bummed about the whole situation.

Are they really targeting "lonely" people? I thought their model was more about getting people who wanted to do that sort of thing out and doing it without the planning. If they're trying to target people who prefer staying in and playing board games, their homepage does a terrible job selling that.

[undupe]

Their official mission statement:

> Our mission is to end loneliness.

This is oft reported elsewhere in describing Grouper: https://www.google.com/search?q=grouper+mission+end+loneline...

It made me think it was just a site for meeting people, not necessarily dating. But it is exactly that: a group dating site. I was confused by its non-datey name, and their "sex in the bathroom" article which seemed incongruous with ending loneliness. You can fuck strangers while being utterly alone, and I think most people experienced with healthy relationships would agree that dating/sleeping around out of loneliness is an unhealthy way of getting out of it.

[mnicole]

Yeah that's off; if I'm lonely it has something to do with my mental state/feelings about my self-worth. Their Instagram shots on the homepage of people having nights out on the town/doing extroverted activities don't do anything but dissuade me from thinking that that's something I want to partake in.

It sounds like they're trying to look like the good guys by offering such a service, while actually marketing and selling to those that would use it regardless. In that sense, GrubHub sounds like a better bet. Less expectant of me to be outgoing and social for the sake of finding someone to shack up with vs. just there for the company and if something comes of it - hooray.