[pan69]

Thanks for writing your story. I didn't read the whole lot but I can tell you're a person who could use a friend or someone who can help you.

Would it be a loss for you if you told your story to a professional counselor? I think you should. It's only a small step to take and there are no obligations what so ever.

You're a prisoner of your own life and it doesn't have to be like this. You already took a first step by publishing this story, now take that second step!