[cesarpereira]

It is not a black hole. Your vision is just clouded from pain. Let someone hold your hand while you get through it.

Ask your boss for a short-term leave due to family issues. Take it without pay if need be. You need to be around family and friends ASAP. At the very least you need to call someone like a close family member or friend.

Did you ditch your friends for this girl? Good friends that were good guys? Call them anyway. Call the person that you think will give you the most support. Even if it is a friend you ditched. Beg their forgiveness and tell them you really need someone to talk to.

Your first priority is to stop your perceived spiral. Get your feet firmly on the ground with another human being. Do you have such a person? Family? If not then talk to me.

You have lots of options. Your first post scared the crap out of me. You will get through this.

Then you can start thinking of your next step. Being in a location with a good support system is your short-term priority, not the fear of a salary decrease. You can always improve salary once everything else gets back in order.

[ckeith]

I want to talk to family but I feel as if I can't. I don't know why. I just feel as if no one can truly understand the pain. We all feel love in a different way. My problem is now trust unfortunately and even if I found someone I would only be able to think about her. She actually gave my life reason. I didn't ditch my friends, people that I was around could not mature enough to actually become adults. I just want to rewind time and change the day that we fell in love because it just hurts so bad. Sure my family can express sympathy, but they can never empathize with what I am feeling. My wife took care of me, I can't even wash my own clothes without screwing something up. The biggest thing I worry about is not being able to take care of myself. What a disappointment you know?