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by overgard 4899 days ago
Here's the problem as I see it: most natural interactions you have with other people almost always involve a "social object" (Here's a good introduction on the concept: http://gapingvoid.com/2007/12/31/social-objects-for-beginner... ).

Online dating sites really don't provide any useful social objects other than photos and "interests". Even socially intelligent people are going to generally fumble around a bit if they're forced to try to create a conversation with no real context. "So.. uh.. you're interested in skiing. I also like skiing too!"

The other problem is that expressions of interest are incredibly overt. I think the sites tend to ignore the power of flirting. The whole point of flirting is that there has to be a sense of uncertainty. That you MIGHT be interested, if they're cool... Without a sense of flirting, you end up with the uncomfortable "shopping" sort of metaphor. I mean, think about something like facebook -- I can comment on a girls link and say something clever, without being incredibly obvious about being interested, but if she's also interested there's at least a little bit of play that can go on there, right?

I don't think the solution to the dating problem is social networks per se, but there has to be some way of signalling some interest without the incredibly overt mechanisms dating sites currently offer, and there has to be a way of interacting that is a bit more indirect.

Incidentally, while I don't think World of Warcraft is a great dating model, I know a few friends who have met their current girlfriends on there. It's inefficient given the amount of time sunk, but I do think it sort of highlights what I said above -- in this sense, World of Warcraft (and the things that happen in the game) are the "social object", and natural relationships were able to evolve out of that.

I do, though, agree with the article that the entire idea of "matching" is ineffective.

2 comments

There's an inforgraphic that states more marriages per year originate from WoW than from Eharmony.

Here's the link: http://www.webpronews.com/gaming-beats-dating-websites-when-...

That's fascinating, thanks for sharing that!
Perhaps the solution is to create a website with multi-user activities (such as games) whose direct purpose is some trivial objective but whose actual goal is to provide a casual, flirty, social environment.
And we've come full circle :)

"Going to bars, joining clubs/teams, etc etc, is suuuuch a horrible time-consuming meat market."

"We'll fix this with technology!" [insert inspirational music]

[fast forward a few years]

"Online dating is suuuuuch a horrible time-consuming meat market."

"Let's get people to gather together to do something easy whose primary intent is actually providing an open environment for interaction!"

Maybe offline dating wasn't as bad as we made it out to be ;)

FWIW, OKCupid is doing just that in NYC - i.e. gender ratio-controlled IRL group events for singles.

There's a great interview with the founder of 'words with friends' who says this is the exact intention behind the site (more or less).

Interview here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFFZpF7Y_8k