[gruseom]

it's also quite possible that he was just dealing with some rat bastards

Certainly, and I hope I didn't imply otherwise. But then a person in that situation needs to better discern who's a rat bastard. It still comes down to taking responsibility for what you need to learn. It sounds like we agree on that.

I think maybe what you're objecting to is a sense that I was blaming the victim. I admit there's a fine line between saying "it was the victim's fault" and saying "if the victim wishes to cease being a victim he must take responsibility for what he himself did". Possibly it's too fine a line to come across well in a brief post. It can be hard to tell whether someone is writing from a caring state or a judgmental one (whereas in person, you'd pick that up easily from nonverbal cues).