[nostrademons]

You don't want to praise for results because results are often out of your control. If you grow up thinking that results are all that matter and then your first startup fails because market conditions change, what does that tell you? That it was all worthless? You end up becoming incapable of dealing with randomness, and hence shy away from situations where the results may not be entirely under your control.

Results should be looked at as a feedback mechanism to give you a reality check on your effort. If you gave it your all and still failed - what could you have done differently? Were you directing your effort at the things that are most important? Was it a goal worth doing in the first place? Could you have adjusted your actions to get a bigger payoff for your effort?

(And the parenting example is a good one. IMHO someone who does their best at raising a child with random genetic disorders like sociopathy, schizophrenia, or Down's Syndrome absolutely deserves as much praise as someone who raises a bright genetically-endowed child to be a great man or woman.)

[briguy]

I agree with these things in general and being a father, I try to keep up on these "outlier" type conversations on parenting. However, being a father of two young children I am also starting to realize that people are programmed a certain way at birth. Some are naturally ambitious, some are cunning, some are observant, some are curious, some are naive, others sensitive, others tough, etc. You can see it very early on. There is no set rule or path to "Success". Not everyone is going to achieve "Success" no matter what you do as a parent. I grew up with three siblings all with the same parents in the same home...three different outcomes. I think that those who read these books (including myself) are part of the group of people who question if they fully optimized their potential and perhaps want to see if they can help their kids along in a different way. There are some kids that don't need an ounce of motivation and others that need to be nurtured at every step. You have to look at each individual differently and adapt to them and their needs. Bottom Line....to paraphrase from Barbara Corcoran's business book... I am trying to help my children "use what they've got"

[philh]

> (And the parenting example is a good one. IMHO someone who does their best at raising a child with random genetic disorders like sociopathy, schizophrenia, or Down's Syndrome absolutely deserves as much praise as someone who raises a bright genetically-endowed child to be a great man or woman.)

That's not the question he asked. You're comparing parents who face different challenges. The question was about parents who face the same challenges, and both sets of parents put a lot of effort in, but one set is good at parenting and the other set is bad at parenting.

[nostrademons]

Like perhaps one set of parents consist of an orphan and someone who grew up in a household with mentally-ill parents, while the other set come from comfortable intact middle-class nuclear families? And the first set just don't know how to parent because they had shitty or no role-models growing up?

I would still respect the first set of parents. They did the best they could with what they had to work with. It's a sad situation though...in a perfect world effort would equal results, but the world ain't perfect.